Common Relationship Destroyers

relationshipAt first, love can be all adorable puppy dogs and rainbow serenades with cherubs – then reality can set in.  You become comfortable and that can mean settling into patterns that aren’t so healthy.  Here are the biggest relationship destroyers you will want to avoid in order to keep your relationship healthy, long lasting and most importantly – happy.

Passive Aggressive Behavior

Don’t fool yourself – you may be doing things that undermine your relationship by being passive aggressive.  Expressing hostility or anger in indirect ways such as sullenness, procrastination, stubbornness, or deliberate failure to do things your partner has asked of you are all passive aggressive and are big no-no’s to sustained happiness.  You need to learn to communicate with your partner directly and tell them what is on your mind or bothering you.  Open communication is important!

Words Are a Big Deal

Words can, and often do, hurt.  A lot.  Especially when coming from your partner.  Even if you are angry you need to try and think before you say something you cannot take back.  Once it’s out there, it’s out there and it’s something that can be brought up again and again once it’s put out into the great wide open.  So, do your partner a favor and respect them enough to think before you speak.

Trust

Oh, this is a big one.  When most people think of trust they think of cheating, but the truth is that there’s a lot of way to gain and lose trust with your partner.  Not following through on things you said you were going to do and lying are great ways to reduce trust in your relationship.  If you can’t count on your partner or your partner can’t count on you, then you may be down for the count.

Threats

This goes right along with trust, but it’s more about trusting your partner with your heart and your feelings.  If you or your partner are constantly threatening to end the relationship as a way to gain attention or emotionally blackmail the other it will only lead to bad things.  The only time threats should be made if you are 100% ready to follow through with them and walk away.

Identity

Staying independent in a relationship can be difficult.  It’s very easy for your identities to be shifted to an “us” instead of a “you”.  If you lose your own identity you may come to depend too heavily on your partner.  Jerry Maguire had it all wrong when he said “you complete me”.  A partner shouldn’t complete you, but compliment you.  Remaining independent and confident in yourself is not only good for you, but a good sense of self will also be good for your partner.

Avoiding Confrontation

If you are your partner regularly give the silent treatment, stop it!  It’s not a healthy way to deal with issues that may arise in your relationship.  And relationship problems will arise.  You can’t ignore them and forget they exist, otherwise they will only fester and turn to resentment.  Talk it out.  Don’t be afraid to say what’s on your mind.

Priorities

Complacency is bad because it often signals the end of romance. You forget to write little notes and slip them under your partner’s coffee cup in the morning, or you don’t send sweet texts throughout the day like you used to.  Don’t become complacent; keep the spark alive by making your partner and your relationship a priority in your life.

Keep Your Secrets

Basically, if you find yourself going around town and gabbing to anyone who will listen about the issues in your relationship that behavior needs to end.  Your partner is special (of course they are, you did choose them!) and you owe them more respect than to continually speak ill of them.

Support

Be supportive of your partner’s dreams and goals.  Be their number one fan.  They are the family you chose for yourself and since you have great taste you need to be their biggest cheerleader.

Used under Creative Commons Licensing courtesy of Sam Caplat

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